Do you prefer milk chocolate or dark chocolate? Most people have a definite preference. Then there’s the science, which says we should prefer dark chocolate because it’s healthier. Because of that science, some people feel they ought to say they prefer dark, even when they don’t.
As I noted last week, I recently visited a small family chocolate producer in Costa Rica. Owner Rodolfo Alvarado talked with us about cacao and chocolate, and his team shared the steps in traditional cacao processing. Early in his talk, he asked which of us preferred milk chocolate and which preferred dark. He then told a story about how a couple ended up going on a trip that neither enjoyed because they each chose to do it thinking their partner wanted to go.
How often have you made a choice based on shoulds or what others think or feel? I’ve done it a lot—and about things much bigger than milk or dark chocolate. Señor Alvarado’s teaching on claiming what you really want, not just what you think others want, or want to hear—it struck a chord in me. My experience, especially as a woman, is that we are taught to put others’ needs and desires before our own. I found myself wondering if the same might be true for disempowered groups of people: If the oppressors ask which chocolate you prefer, you tell them what you think they want to hear.
Señor Alvarado’s conclusion was to focus on choosing what makes us happy—pura vida! Why choke on the bitterness of dark chocolate when you could be blissfully relishing smooth milk chocolate? Toward the end of the presentation, we were given cups containing a mix of cacao, some sugar (not a lot), and water. In front of us was a table with all sorts of flavorings to add, from vanilla and milk to red and black pepper. He mixed his drink of choice—and it included milk (and both peppers!). He gave us spoons so we could all taste his concoction, and it was delicious.
When do you tend to choose what you think others want, or what you’ve been told is the “right” or the “best” choice? How do you feel when you do that?
When have you chosen something outside the norm, and how did that play out for you?
What type of chocolate do you prefer?
Shirin, When I was 12, I was diagnosed with adult-onset diabetes (type 2) in the days before the development of oral medications. I was put on 1,600 calorie exchange diet that my mother, a woman who was obsessive when it came to protecting her offspring, kept me on the straight and narrow. I tell you all this because now in my eighties I can look back and declare that I don’t know the taste of milk chocolate or dark, of lemon meringue pie or chocolate chip cookies. (Believe me, sugar substitutes, which I appreciate, really don’t replace the magic of sugar infused food.) I’ve grown accustomed to turning down the donuts, daiquiris, and other blandishments of sugar, fat or alcohol and have come to view them as just what they are, the ho-hum choices of life, not the existential ones.
Oh, Tom, thank you for reminding us that not everyone even gets to savor the question of “milk or dark”! I am glad that you are thriving so many decades after your diagnosis, and that you have chosen instead to embrace and appreciate the greater existential questions. (And your comment about sugar substitutes shows that you do choose what you like….)
Peace,
Shirin