Seeing Much More of Ourselves

We know very well that we have ancestors. But our ancestors are not only human. We have animal ancestors, we have plant ancestors, and we have mineral ancestors…. We continue to have them within us in the present moment.

—Thich Nhat Hanh, How to See

Many years ago, I commissioned an art piece from a young woman I met online. I think I first encountered her through an online art swap she offered. I was impressed with her creativity (and I still follow her on social media, though she’s left the art offerings behind). Anyway, back then, when she needed funds, she offered to discern someone’s spirit animal and paint it for them.

I took her up on the offer, and what arrived in my mailbox was not what I expected. I’ve loved moose and otters since I was a child, and admired hawks and roadrunners. I imagined that she would paint something wild and wonderful like that for me. Yet what arrived was a painting of a cow.

I’ll be honest. I didn’t like it. I thought I got it—caring, nurturing, stable; it all made sense, especially with my spiritual guidance ministry—but my ego wanted something flashier, something energetic, exotic, and admired. Who admires a cow?

I kept the painting, but I didn’t display it. After a while, I lost track of it, though I figured it was still in a box somewhere. As I was clearing out the house (that’s still waiting to sell), I dipped briefly into the top of a pile of boxes in the guestroom closet and found it.

Since then, it’s been sitting on my kitchen table. I’m working on finding peace with the ordinary, caretaking nature of cow. Perhaps as I get older, and slower, I’m more willing to accept the reality, and centrality, of that part of myself.

Recently, I realized that I was also seeing a reading monk sitting on the right of the cow in the painting. I can’t imagine it was intentional, but it’s there (can you see it?). I also realize it’s important to recognize the monk is another part of my spiritual makeup. Praying, learning, and reading are also parts of who I am.

Then, as I looked at the image one morning last week, I began seeing other things. First, a dancing queen on the right edge, with a large skirt, perhaps holding a flag out behind her. Her head seemed to have prongs like a crown…or like devil’s horns? Perhaps she is the lighthearted trickster in me.

Then, I saw someone floating on a lake with a mountain alongside it. That certainly reflects the nature lover in me who also appreciates contemplative stillness.

Then I saw a buffalo above the cow, and I thought of how I need to embrace their incredible strength and invincibility right now. I’ve realized (at last?!) that it’s fine not to be flashy—to be strong and resilient and do what needs to be done.

Then, facing the buffalo I saw the silhouette of a woman. She seemed a more ancient ancestor, harking back to our common African origins. Her upright stance had me thinking, “This is my heritage before patriarchy got to her, and to so many in my line.”

I thought, “That’s pretty awesome, to be seeing all this.” Then I looked again at the painting and saw two animals facing off against each other, perhaps a dinosaur and a rhino. Somehow, that takes me back even further.

Now, this one painting holds not just a totem animal but also a huge swath of my personal and ancestral history. There is so much to contemplate and explore here. I could write stories about each image I’m seeing. Such stories might give me deeper clues into myself, my sense of self, and the history I hold.

I wonder what your response is to reading this reflection and looking at this artwork. What catches your attention? What might you want to do or ponder as a result of reading this post?