Many people leave southern Arizona during our hot summers—and this has been one of the hottest. As I’ve already noted, Henry and I took a four-week road trip earlier this summer. I also recently spent two weeks with my mom in the mountains of Colorado. On both occasions, I was surprised by strong feelings of not wanting to return home—and not because of the heat.
I’m a warm-weather lover, although I will admit that I prefer the triple-digit heat in small doses! I actually don’t mind summering in the Sonoran Desert, as long as I can remain indoors after my early morning walk. So, my feelings of discontent weren’t because of the weather.
Part of it was that I didn’t want my trips to end. This is a relatively new feeling for me, though it may be familiar to many of you. I’ve always been a homebody, being most comfortable in familiar territory. Yet after four weeks away from home, I wasn’t ready for the road trip to end. I had become accustomed to the rhythm of unloading and reloading the car, exploring a new town, and finding interesting places for dinner or a walk. I liked the chance to try new things, explore different places, and meet up with treasured friends and family.
It took me a few days of being home before I realized that what I didn’t want to face was the weight of responsibility at home. When we returned from the road trip, I was faced with a drip system that had come apart, killing at least one plant and devastating others. I listened to the air conditioner struggle and realized that I couldn’t put off getting it serviced any longer. (It turns out those struggles were real. Our eighteen-year-old machine was failing in half a dozen different ways, so we dug into our rainy-day [baking-hot-sunny-day?!] fund and have a new HVAC system.)
Dreading that weight of responsibility is a relatively new thing for me. I’ve generally been a pretty responsible person. The success of my solopreneur small business is testament to that. I’ve been proud of owning a home and felt privileged to be able to maintain it well. But something is shifting in me. Conversations with my mom and friends who live in apartments or condos have helped me see some benefits—and some drawbacks—of having others take responsibility for yard and building maintenance.
Perhaps this is part of a broader shift too, in terms of what types of responsibility I want to shoulder. Those friends and family members are aging and moving into new stages of their lives. They are lightening their loads of responsibility in different ways. I’ve recognized for a long time that I can’t hold the weight of responsibility for the entire world (even in prayer), but these days I’m discovering how little I want to be responsible at all.
So, we shall see what unfolds for me in the weeks and months ahead. I’m sure I can’t resign from everything, all at once. But perhaps the Spirit is guiding me to be ready to let go of responsibility for a few more things.
On this Labor(!) Day, I invite you to ponder your responsibilities. How tightly or loosely do you hold them? What would it take for you to imagine letting go of a few?
Shirin, I completely identify with the underlying reason for your reluctance to return home from your trip. I’ve also realized, on occasions when I’ve traveled, that coming home meant a return to responsibilities, ones that for whatever reason I was resisting. As a senior I understand the need to shed certain material responsibilities (e.g., caring for a house); but how do we find the proper balance of letting go and continuing to shoulder responsibility for those around us, particularly in the wider community? This is a question that continues to challenge me.
Thank you, Susan, for sharing your own experience with this issue, and for raising this important question about community. We do hold a responsibility to community…and I wonder if we would be able to hold it more fully if we didn’t have so many individualized material responsibilities (as you so eloquently put them). How could we help shoulder both, side by side, I wonder…?
Peace,
Shirin
I can relate to what all you’re saying. Having a house is, indeed, a great responsibility. My home is 30 years old now, and needing some major upkeep. I’m almost 77 years old, and I finally decided it might be a good idea to at least consider a plan B in case I can’t take care of this house until the day I die. So, the first thing I’m doing is to go through what seems like endless file folders. I’m rereading many items and then putting them in the recycle bin. Fewer things for my beneficiaries to go through! I’ve also talked to friends who live in senior housing to see how they like it, etc. The older I get, the more I realize I can’t pretend that nothing will change in my future. And this is where faith comes in–the faith that says that I’ll always be taken care of, no matter how the circumstances change.
Thank you, Aston, for sharing some of your story about your relationship with home. Yes, I do think we owe it to our beneficiaries to be responsible(!) with what we leave behind…and that can be quite a chore. (It’s one reason I’m grateful we’ve moved a lot, and I’ve pared things down over the years!) And I join you in having faith that our network of support (including God) will sustain us, no matter what happens.
Peace,
Shirin
SPOT ON, Shirin!!!!🙏🏼❤👍
Thank you, Francesca. I’m glad my post spoke to you.
Peace,
Shirin
Shirin
When God gracefully allowed me to purchase this home, I was financially able to completely renovate it. I wanted a turnkey house so I wouldn’t have to think about major house repairs for many years. I hear you about responsibilities and I’ve pared down so much so that all that’s left is artwork and basic necessities. I don’t want to burden my kids with stuff. But I also thank God that I have this home as I have been homeless several times in my life. But overall, I hold it lightly. It’s been a gift to be here, still totally independent and capable of doing whatever needs to be done. With faith, I’ll be here for a very long while yet praying for my family, neighbors and volunteering in my church and community.
Blessings,Nila
Oh, Nila, what a lovely and beloved “place” you’re in, both literally and spiritually. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so glad that you are blessed with minimal responsibilities and the gift of a safe and sacred home. May you indeed be there and thriving for a long time!
Peace,
Shirin