I trashed a ton of lettuce last week. As this photo illustrates, it wasn’t lettuce from the store, but lettuce plants from my garden. I pulled up the plants because they had bolted. Bolting is the gardener’s term for what happens when plants get too hot and begin to go to seed.
Going to seed is the plant’s natural process, so it didn’t do anything wrong. However, when lettuce bolts, the leaves get bitter, and most folks don’t like the taste. I don’t mind it, at least in the younger leaves, so I harvested some for later eating. Henry is much more sensitive to bitterness, and we have limited fridge space, so I couldn’t keep it all. Yes, much of it went into the compost, but I’ve got limited space there too. So, some ended up in the trash bin.
As with so much of nature, the plant’s turn toward bitterness actually serves a purpose. When the plant is focused on going to seed, it needs its leaves to fuel the process. Thus, it needs to be less attractive and appetizing to rabbits, cows, and other creatures (like hungry humans!). I have let lettuce plants complete the process in prior years and harvested their seeds, but I short-circuited the process this year because I still have a lot of seed. In fact, every plant you see here was a volunteer that grew from seed that fell to the ground during last year’s seed season!
Early the next morning, I woke up thinking about aging and bitterness. Most of us have probably met people who became bitter in their old age. They might gripe about how things have changed and reminisce about “the good old days.” Perhaps they outline ways “the world is going to hell in a handbasket” or declare how children just don’t behave correctly anymore.
Humans who turn bitter also become less attractive. If they’re related to us, we might feel a social obligation to be nice to Uncle Bob at family gatherings, but otherwise we probably steer clear of them as best we can. But their bitterness doesn’t serve any purpose that I can discern. They aren’t fueling flowers, fruits, or seeds with their unpleasant sharpness.
So, I wonder: Does the turn toward bitterness serve humans in some way too? What do you think?
Shirin-
My mother became extremely bitter towards the end of her life. She died at 77 of cancer that I in part felt she brought on with her lack of care for herself. She was a heavy cigarette smoker for 6 decades, ate poorly and had no social life. I think her bitterness was a way to hide and not have to face not only her family and kids but the world in general. She used it as a shield for an avoidance. As an adult, I was to eventually realize that she was deeply unhappy and depressed most of her life. Yet she did nothing to make any changes to herself or situation to find happiness. Ultimately, it became a sad situation where she lost out on so much including her only two grandchildren. But it still seems like it served no purpose.
Abundant blessings to you and Henry
Ah, Nila, I’m sad to read your story. I fear there are a lot of people like your mom, and I grieve that she and so many others have lost out on so much. I’m glad you have made a different choice….
Peace,
Shirin
Perhaps we begin to perceive the world itself less through “rose-colored-glasses” as we grapple with a society which is quite disillusioning?
As far as how this might serve? The priest at Holy Trinity yesterday said it best: referring to Jesus’ words, “I give you peace, but not as the world gives…” Pointing to a change in perspective; we must not look to the world to deliver peace – though we try! Rather find the seed of His Peace within, where if we recognize it & nurture it, we might actually have an antidote to bitterness?
Thank you, Alex, for this thoughtful invitation to a peace the world doesn’t give or often understand. Yes, may it counteract bitterness!
Peace,
Shirin
Oh wow! What a question! No, I don’t think humans’ turn toward bitterness serves any useful purpose. I can certainly relate to talking about the good ol’ days, as I’ve done that too. But, with me anyway, it’s not so much bitterness as nostalgia for the way things were. And I will admit that there are times when I have to remind the person(s) I’m talking with that our fretting about how the world is going to hell in a handbasket isn’t doing any of us any good and isn’t spreading good vibes around. Personally, I’m finding that I’ve actually gotten more mellow in my old age (77) than I ever was in my youth. I hope no one ever has occasion to say that I’m becoming bitter. May the same be true of all of you.
Hi, Aston, and thanks for responding so honestly to this question. I join you in desiring to spread good vibes, and sometimes wonder if we can manage to do that and speak truth at the same time….
Peace,
Shirin
A loaded question, but here goes. From my experience bitterness can be a call to examine one’s egoic happiness programs. The Contemplative Outreach Welcome Prayer is a profound source of letting go of my false program for happiness and embracing the present moment as it is. The spirituality of the AA- programs offers a path to the Emotional Sobriety we, name claim and name and let go and let God.
Thank you, Adeline, for the reminder of the Welcome Prayer and the need to accept reality as it is…as difficult as that can often be! May we learn daily to let go more and more and lean into sharing love, one way or another….
Peace,
Shirin
While I love the metaphor here…”bolting”…
As for bitterness, I always want to understand what makes someone bitter or negative. It absolutely serves them.
Some people have had more to contend with than me, so I can see why they are bitter. Usually, there’s some inter-generational component. As for your question, of course bitterness serves humans because it is the path to becoming a better human.
Ultimately, when life kicks you in the gut, you have a choice about how long you stay bitter/angry/sad/mad/hurt etc.
Then it’s about the journey to transcend the pain.
Now, look at me, don’t I sound like I’m wise 🤦🏻
Thank you, Damien, for sharing your affinity for the bolting metaphor and your reflections on bitterness. I appreciate the recognition that there’s a generational divide behind a lot of it…and the need to embrace the journey to transcend the pain. In my humble opinion, that is a wise recognition, because it is those who don’t do the work or take the journey to transcend the pain who transmit their bitterness instead. May we all find ways to healthfully address our bitterness!
Peace,
Shirin