Two weeks ago, I began Lent by reflecting on a recent set of talks I attended about the impact on the church of recent cultural trends. Last week, I outlined a series of unhelpful ways that churches are responding to these trends. With this post, I share the first of three significant shifts in the way our culture is impacting the way we think about church: a shift from belonging as identity to being in relationship.
So, what does Diana Butler Bass mean by this shift? It’s a change from committing to membership in a specific denomination to a focus on ties of love, loyalty, and experience. It’s no longer about officially joining a specific type of church. Instead, it’s about building community.
Think about it. Most Americans participate in multiple communities through the Internet—a trend that was accelerated during the pandemic, when “everything went online.” We are created for connection—and the number of specific interest groups available on Facebook, LinkedIn, and other online platforms (gathering everyone from knitters and train buffs to people seeking to reform or create chaos in their homelands) illustrates the powerful need we feel to connect with like-minded others.
I’ve talked with younger people who say that many of their friends did a lot of church shopping online during the pandemic. Once churches were “forced” to livestream their services, people could “check them out” without taking the risk of showing up in person. And it turns out that what they were searching for was genuine community and relationship, not a badge of membership. Finding community in church also helps to counteract the very real epidemic of loneliness in America today.
So, what does this mean for churches? It means people (especially those under 40 years of age) don’t want membership classes where they gain status by joining, memorize the right terminology, and listen to clergy tell them what to do. Instead, they want places to develop relationships, weave networks (rather than secure their place in hierarchies), and find out what it means to belong to Jesus alongside other Christian disciples.
Diana Butler Bass puts this in terms of finding neighbors to relate to rather than leaders to follow. It means we can create a vital church by focusing on building community and fostering relationships. It means inviting people to retain agency (another word for power) over how they show up and what they want church to look like. It means clergy encouraging and inviting people in the church community to join in leadership at all levels.
It also means the church will need to change to look inviting to people seeking relationships.
What thoughts, feelings, and experiences rise for you as you read this? In what ways have you seen this focus on relationship rather than identity happening in your own communities? How might you become more relationship-minded?
Thanks Shirin for offering a wider lens on how faith and spirituality might connect with community today. I hadn’t thought about this quite this way and appreciate the hope you offer.
You’re welcome, Tom. I think we do benefit from listening to others in and beyond our communities to keep our perspectives fresh and our hopes alive.
Peace,
Shirin
What an interesting idea done during Covid … to check out other forms of worship on Zoom… wish I had done that when I had been there.
Your thoughts made me think of my older grandchildren who remain spiritual wanderers not yet finding relationship with like-minded seekers… and I pray.
Well, Mo, given the number of churches that are online, you could still explore what others are offering online…whether live or in recordings….
I join you in that prayer for meaningful faith relationships for younger generations….
Peace,
Shirin
Thanks, Shirin. Linking two notions: “neighbors not leaders” and “agency”–good stuff; makes sense. Keep it coming!
You’re welcome Michael. I’m glad this speaks to you—and more is coming!
Peace,
Shirin
The pastor at my church constantly emphasizes and encourages relationship-building among members of the congregation. He points out that we have been sitting next to each other in pews for years and yet don’t really know each other. He has found an excellent and innovative way to make this happen. On a regular basis, he starts his sermon with some idea to wrestle with. He asks questions for us to consider, and then has us move around the sanctuary and form small groups of three or four, preferably with folks whom we don’t know well. We discuss the questions for ten to fifteen minutes and then come back to our seats. One person from each group will give a brief summary of answers they came up with. We usually learn some detail or story about the people in our groups, and it really does bring us together in community.
Oh, Aston, this is a marvelous way to build community and enhance sermon engagement. Thank you for sharing this, and I’m glad it’s proving so impactful and effective for you.
Peace,
Shirin
I think that younger people have watched us trip over our identity as Christians and land flat on our collective faces. It’s been happening for a few generations, and now it’s part of the bigger conversation, thanks to so many ways to communicate. Plus the way that Covid opened the doors to let people peek into what goes on in services. I’m astonished by the volume of criticism and conversation I see on social media based on streamed clips of services available online.
I believe that the Spirit moves us toward the needs in the world. In my congregation, we just had a day trip to snow tube in the mountains. I came away so well-fed by that experience of being with, joking with, enjoying with, and riding with the folks in my congregation. Leisure, it seems, is also a spiritual practice we can share and in which relationships grow.
I hear you, Sondra, and I’m so glad your congregation had such a good bonding/belonging experience. Perhaps when we choose to share more good experiences with church on social media, the balance will tip….
Peace,
Shirin