If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?
—Jalāl al-Dīn Muḥammad Rūmī
America’s social discourse can be pretty caustic these days. A few months ago, I read this quote on Silentium, one of the online ministries offered by a friend and colleague. I’ve been sitting with it and acknowledge how irritating I find all the corrosive dialogical rubbing going on around me. If that’s the “rub,” I have no desire to be polished.
So, what do I do with this idea? Why has it stuck around in my head and heart? I decided that a deeper dive into this quote might be a suitable Advent exploration, so I invite you to join me on this journey.
First, as a writer, I found myself thinking of how the words rub and polish have been used in our culture. We “rub people the wrong way” or “rub salt in their wounds.” That probably happened around a lot of Thanksgiving tables ten days ago.
Our habits and sayings can also “rub off” on others as we “rub elbows” with them. We could self-righteously hope that happened as we shared Thanksgiving turkey and trimmings with family members who have rubbed us the wrong way in the past—but have we stopped to wonder what others might hope rubs off on us?
Thinking more broadly, we “polished off” Thanksgiving’s abundance while almost a third of the world’s population doesn’t have adequate access to food. Many of us, for example, even here in America, might live in a food desert.
We use “spit and polish” to look our best. Unfortunately, by focusing our attention on such public personas, we often hide our deepest thoughts and truest feelings behind images that we believe are acceptable—polished!—on social media.
Yes, my mind went in lots of interesting directions, reflecting on these words—not unlike what happens when we spend time on social media. Now, to get a bit more focused, I wonder: What is the polishing for? Why would we want to be rubbed—and not “rubbed out”(!)?
I’ll share more on this next week, but for now, consider these questions: How well-polished do you consider yourself to be? Do you think you reflect God’s love in and through your life? How might Advent become a time of polishing your mirror so that you can better reflect God’s love?
I didn’t respond to this last week because I didn’t know what to say. Now, I find that what’s rubbing me the wrong way is people who blame Hamas for all the problems of the Palestinians. I, of course, condemn Hamas for their brutal attack, even though Palestinians have been enduring brutal attacks from Israel for literally decades. But two wrongs don’t make a right, as we all know. It’s difficult not to get into an argument about this topic when the person I’m talking to, a member of my church, doesn’t think that there was ever a historical Palestine. Fortunately, someone else came along and interrupted the conversation, so I could start talking to someone else. But that was an easy way out. Suggestions, anyone?
Oh, Aston, thank you for sharing your personal experience with rubbing. Yes, I agree that two wrongs don’t make a right. It’s also frustrating when we are not able to dialogue with the same set of facts and assumptions…and yet none of us carry the exact same set of facts or experiences, so I think that literally isn’t possible. I would say two things. First, treat the interruption as a gift from God because you didn’t know what to say, and the Spirit gave you a way to walk away, having tried. Not every conversation will bear fruit (many of those with my father did not—honestly, could not). Second, invite that same Spirit to prepare your heart and guide you the next time you encounter that person, for the best possible outcome—and then accept what unfolds, even if it doesn’t seem to be “successful.” Perhaps your job is to till the soil rather than plant the seed….
Thank you again for sharing!
Peace,
Shirin